Second Best

Jun 13, 2008 - 20:41 PM PST

June 13, 2008
6:43 PM

I feel like I'm really falling for James, like really bad. He's so amazing to me, and interesting and...just...i dunno awesome =]. So I know I would fall for him either way =P but I think the reason I'm falling so fast is that...he's just so much like Ben. You know the guy who was my Prince Charming and then cheated on me. James wouldn't do that, but the way he walks,
talks, acts, even looks, some of it just...damn. Also like Ben though, James is in love with somebody else. It doesn't make sence to me, he asks me to help him get over her or w/e and all I'm seeing in it is her climbing his "myspace top." I just...I couldn't believe it when I found out. I mean, it's like once again I'm second best. Why can't I just find a guy who loves me for me and not to just get over some other girl he can't have, why can't I be somebodys everthing again? I lost Ben to Meg, I lost Sean to Rissa, I lost Dylan to Marissa...I just..ugh. And he wants me to just be okay with it, "help me get over her, I'm slowly falling in love with you." Which is great but...it doesn't feel so hot to be in a relationship with somebody who doesn't feel for you as much as somebody ealse. In fact it sucks especialy when you've lost so many to the same thing. What am I supposed to do? He just keeps saying well I care about you so much and I want to be with you more than her and its like well then how the fuck can you say you love her, wheres your fucking logic??
-- He says that he fell in love with her because they talked on the phone from like 9-7 which they had many "topics" of which he wont fucking name. It's like, wtf, you talk to her for a few hours once and your in love with her but we talk every god damn night til like 2 and i'm just inching my way up? I dunno why he doesn't just leave me and go out with her, I obviously don't compare. She's prettier and aparently they have more in "common." I'm just SO sick of feeling like I have to compete/battle for one stupid guy. James is amazing, I mean when he asked me out I honestly didn't know what to say but I was so much happier than I've been in a long time. I even told him
that, and I told him I was falling for him. But, why can't I just be with a guy, him be with me, us both be happy. No strings attached, no begging, no pleading, no "help me get over her." Just happy.


"I need you. I hate feeling like I can't be without you, you know so much about me and I've shown you these parts of me nobody has seen before and now I've come to the point...I'm scared to lose you."

Wishing he would just finaly say what I want him to say.

~:Tara:♥sU™