Shell Braking

Jul 12, 2008 - 04:12 AM PST

I'm finding that more and more of people I considered "Friends" are bailing on me every time I make plans. Something "comes up" or they "totally forgot". I'm also finding that I don't have one really close group of friends. I have many groups of friends, but none of them are MY group of friends. I always feel like a third wheel whenever I get last minute invited to something like the movies or the pool. The optimistic way to see this is that I just haven't broken out of my shell yet, that I haven't decided who I want to be. But what if I have and i fell out of my comfort zone. What if I never break out of my shell?? its hard when you live on an island and are forced to either see the same fricken people every day or stay home alone.

I'm really looking forward to college. I think that once I reach that point in my life I'll really start finding people who I can connect with. People who will get me on a much deeper level or even just be there when I need them. I think thats what I truely want. Someone to be there for me when I need someone. It's been over a year since I've had a girlfriend and it....sucks. I understand how retarded I sound saying that my life is crap because I don't have a girlfriend, but honestly, the happiest momments in my life are with girls who've either been really close friends whom I wanted to date or girlfriends.