Short story of mine called "Lesson Never Learned"

Jun 26, 2008 - 23:11 PM PST

Lesson Never Learned

I take out my cell phone from my jeans back pocket to check the time and it shows that it is 5:10 AM. Looking up at the schedule in Penn Station it informs me that my train is departing at 5:12 AM. Rushing towards the machine to purchase a city ticket, I reach for my oversized bag placed on my right shoulder and start shuffling through it, unable to find my wallet. The last call for the train is being announced; cursing from desperation and realizing there’s spare cash in my coat pocket. Touching the screen to order the ticket and tapping the last option labeled “cash,” I insert three dollars. While the machine processed and printed I look around; my right leg starts shaking uncontrollably. The lights in the deposit box start blinking initiating that the ticket will be dropping soon. It drops and I reach in, grab it and sprint towards the platform.
While running, I remove my cell phone from my back pocket once more to see that it is now 5:11 AM and place it back where it originally was. Once I catch a glimpse of the stairs, I make a sharp turn to the right reaching the staircase and go down. Running down I grab on to the left handle. Stepping onto the platform and see that the train is stationed I quickly enter the closest cart door. I sit on the far right of a three seated row next to a window. I exhale and inhale rapidly as I lift my chin upwards and stretch my neck muscles being able to get a clear look around and seeing no one else present. Slowly moving left towards the first seat next to the narrow aisle I poke my head out and look down the empty corridor noticing further open doors to vacant train carts. Raising my eyebrows and shoulders lightly and relaxing them I shift back onto my pervious spot.
Exhaling softly, sinking back into the cushions of the seat while shifting side to side to find a niche my body starts to relax. Suddenly the train makes a beeping sound and the doors close with a soft “click”. Feeling the train move my mind starts recapping everything that just happened to make sense of it and sink it in slowly.
My wallet, where did my wallet go? The question suddenly pops in my mind. I insert my left hand inside my hand bag feeling something boxy. It’s my camera. Not it. Coming across another object my fingers slide down shaping a long slim cylinder tube it’s my lip gloss. I keep going. Rustling of metal gets louder as my fingers start shuffling around and touching a bundle of cold metal provoking the sound to get louder. My keys. Continuing to go through my bag I feel pieces of papers and I instantly assume that they are receipts and napkins that continue to brush against my hand as it goes along. Next, I touch something sticky and immediately jerk my hand away. Extracting my hand from my bag, I see that there’s a thick liquid content on my thumb. Bringing up my nose to smell it, it starts dripping down slowly on the side. Getting a good whiff of it I discover that its melted candy from a restaurant. Nasty. Quickly extracting a napkin with the logo of Starbucks on it, I clean the sticky content off my thumb and continue. Reaching in to the right corner of my bag I start brushing everything to the side that didn’t feel like my wallet. Bottle of lotion, nope; Glass case, nope; Chap stick, nope; nothing else came after but the corner of my bag with a few grains of dirt. Reaching for the other corner I push my way through and come across a slim rectangular object deep on the opposite corner and feel a thick zipper on the side of it brushing my index finger over it. My wallet!
Assured that I haven’t lost it I look for my iPod in the left hand side of my coat pocket. Extracting it out of my pocket I start to unwind the earphones around the iPod, I press play and insert an earphone to each ear. Looking at the screen of my iPod, I scroll down the playlist of songs, changing the current song of “Heart in a Cage” by The Strokes to Fiona Apple, “Across the Universe”. Exhausted from the long night, my eyes start shutting themselves.
Shortly after, there is a diminutive piercing through the playing music; attempting to open my eyes my eyelids perceive to be glued shut; I choose to ignore it feeling lethargic. All of a sudden it overpowers the sound of the music being able to grasp parts of it, I hear, “…must…what…you’ve….” Releasing a puff of air as my eyebrows furrow I remove my earphones, force open my eyes and turn my head to my left. Opening my eyes to the fullest extent I stare straight at it. There’s a magnum gun pointing directly to my forehead. Is it real? Should I reach for it?
Everything in the train is moving side to side as the gun stays still floating impassively in its place. The voice appears again with a deep raspy male’s voice that is coming from the magnum. “You must die for what you’ve done!” it said maliciously as it echoed down the cart.
Shit! Wait… die for what? It just said I must die.… Freaking gun… I haven’t even done anything. It can’t be about tonight. Yea…no… it probably isn’t. Am I going to die?
I attempt to get up but my limbs and muscles don’t budge. My body is powerless. I finally manage to form a few words and reply to it nervously, “D-D-Die for w-w-what?” my voice shakes making me stutter. “I-I-I hav-v-ven’t d-done an-n-n-ythi-ng.” BANG!
There’s a puff of smoke in the air that is slowly spreading out as the bullet touches the middle of my forehead. The gun powder disperses away from the gun and into the air flowing in all directions. I feel the bullet breaking through my skull releasing a crackling sound that travels to my ears and lingers inside my head. The incessant drilling of the bullet, crawling, reaping through, searching a way out to the longing for that last breath; my limp body is pushed backwards from the impact against the cold hard window impounding my spine. As my whole body collides with the window my eyes start to close shut, starting to feel a glimpse of pain as the neurons in my body caches up to the event.
As my eyes open, all I can see is my body slumped on the seat with droplets of blood slowly trickling down staining everything. All I can think of doing is waiting, wait till it is over. Lying still waiting for my death to come nothing seems to be happening. My heart pounds in its usual cadence. I attempt to move as I try to shift my hand and accomplish to wiggle my fingers. Slowly my body starts gaining its strength and I try to get up. Raising my right arm I push myself up. A loud groan escapes me as a sharp pain travels from head to toe. Unable to cope with the pain I fall back onto the seat trying to stay still and wait for the pain to go away. Feeling a little better I manage to gather some strength and pull myself up.
While rising up I feel a weak gravitational pull towards the seat beneath me making it harder to stand up. Stumbling from the unsteady motion of the train I accomplish to rise and firmly place my two feet on the ground. Finally standing nice and steady I start walking towards the narrow aisle. Curiously I turn my head back and become dumb struck from the image and I quickly look away. What in the world was that?! That can’t be right… I take another look and turn my whole body around slowly trying to grasp what I’m seeing. Miraculously staring at the seat in disbelief my jaw drops down and my hands start to tremble. Where’s the gun?! I think to myself as I’m looking at myself lying on the seat.
My mirror image of my assassinated self lifeless is lying limb on the seat surrounded with boundless amount of blood. The right arm is hanging loosely swinging from the movement of the train as the left arm is facing upwards beside the body with a pale color. The legs are bent with both feet tucked underneath the seat. Its face or rather my face is still against the window. On top of it there’s a trail of smudge blood leading down to my head or its head. I see the bullet hole on the middle of the forehead shaped in a perfect circle. Blood is oozing out slowly trickling down the nose in chunks plopping on to the coat.
Turning away from the body, I cover my face with both hands. How could is be happening? I extract my hands slowly staring inanely at a bead of blood sliding down sluggishly against the side of the seat. I catch it before it goes any further my index finger. Bringing it up close to inspect it I become panic-stricken and quickly start patting down my chest faster and harder toward my hip. I’m still three dimensional and not a lone spirit arising from the dead on its way to an absurd world I conclude. Reaching over to the comatose body my right palm smacks the left thigh inward observing it swift back and forth until it comes to a halt.
Standing still watching everything, a dark and obscene sense lingers in the air as the light illuminates the train. Row after row of empty seats exert a dull color of green and blue as everything else reflects off the light. Droplets of blood fall down on to the empty seats around the body producing a minor sound similar to a small drizzle before it rains, “… drip…drip…drip”. A cool breeze enters the cart through the small built in air condition slits releasing a small noise going “tssssssss”. The motion of the train seems to be ostensible by the brief flash of orange light that comes in a constant pattern through the window as the train passes each tunnel lamp.
I start walking to the nearest cart door overwhelmed with everything that had happened. Approaching it the minor details start to appear; there’s a black box near the handle and a red light on it. Coming to a halt and reaching for the handle at the same time the light abruptly changes to green. There’s a click followed by a sound of pressured air being released. The door rapidly slides to the right initiating the door behind it to open leading the way to the next cart. Stepping forward towards the middle of the space between the carts I look down and stare at the rapid tracks evoking the memory of the loud noise I would hear in an instant when crossing realizing its dead silent. A chill spread runs through my body making me to shiver provoking me to break away from my thoughts and quickly leap forward into the next cart.
Slowing down my pace I cautiously walk further in. Behind me I hear the sound of the door sliding shut causing me to jolt up and turn my head back and glance at the door then resume continue walking. Penetrating further in while holding on to the edge of the seats on both sides, my hands start to sweat as they grab one after the other. Trying to keep a careful look out and at the same time paceing myself slowly to maintain my composure I come closer to the other end of the cart.
Unexpectedly, my arms start coming closer to my body as if an anaconda is wrapping around with a firm grip. I start shaking hysterically to release myself but can’t. Dragging in air into my lungs I feel restraint as the rope like feeling squeezes tighter around my rib cage. With each second the intake of air to my lungs decreases making me feel light headed. My brain starts to realize the intake of air is decreasing it makes my body shake uncontrollably as my breathing increases its speed. I open my mouth wider and try harder to inhale the air but my chest starts aching.
Closing my eyes for a moment I accomplish to regulate my breathing. I lift my eyelids and see hundreds of shinny razors around me. The razors are swiveling side to side glistening in the light with their nefarious blades. What in the world! I at least had a chance before since it was one to one ratio now it’s one to a million. I can’t run… What have I done… I just want to get the out of--- “You tricked her-her-her! You handed her to thugs-thugs-thugs!”, it said while it echoed around the room interrupting my thoughts. Turning my head from left to right I can’t manage to think of one possible way to get out of this situation.
I could see is red, a cascade of blood. It all happened when I was replying to the voice. “I-I… didn’t trick her…” a razor came forward with each word that came out of my mouth, slicing through my jeans and scratching the surface of my skin. Each one retrieved back to its place satisfied covered with blood as the others moved forward hungrily swiveling faster. “Th-They already knew each other...” other five razors came forward digging through my coat and layers of clothe. Each razor shifted back and forth faster until it tore deep through my flesh. “…they seemed…” two new cuts were implanted on my chest. “…harm-less to…” other two cutting my main veins in my wrist releasing the blood, escaping uncontrollably and endlessly from its prison as my body became frail. The final razor came forward when I said my last word that was “…me…” slashing my throat open releasing the blood freely dominating every square inch of my vision.
The warm blood starts to escape through each cut like a river, marking its trail on its way down. The rope like feeling that was sustaining my body up starts to release slowly. As it moves up from my legs to my waist my body falls down inflicting all my weight upon my knees. The impact causes me to start fall straight forward on to the frigid floor. Attempting to gasp for air as the blood kept invading its path, it produces a gurgling sound when the tight grip around me finally disappears. Lying still striving for oxygen as the blood takes over my lungs; it finds another escape route up my throat, exposing itself. At the sight of it leaking out of me it makes me feel nauseous. Gagging from the sight of it as well as from the lack of air I start regurgitating blood with the left over undigested food contents in my stomach. Tears start streaming down the corner of my eyes as my visions start to darken.
Waking up, my body feels sore as if a truck has just hit me. The palms of my hands feel cold and moist as I lift myself upward with loud grunts. My body refuses to co-operate as I feel the weak gravitational pull again this time towards the ground making me want to just drop onto the floor. Lifting myself up while hunching my back I manage to stand on my brittle legs. I pick my head up and see a dead body. Drawing my eyes upwards along the body I realize it looks identically to me. Its face is pale blue and lying there enclosed with a pool of blood blended with chunks of half processed food, leaving a strong metallic and bitter stench in the air. Moving away from the horrible smell a bitter taste starts to form in my mouth. From the realization I inspect my body and discover that my clothes is spotless and in one piece.
Everything is still as if time stopped. The only thing moving is the red serum escaping from the body. It slowly spreads around monopolizing the floor around it while carrying the heavy contents of food along. The shade of the red serum starts darkening as it travels underneath the seats atrociously engulfing anything in its way. Outside the window the walls lower down exposing the city with hundreds of street lights. Each lamp gives the city a contrast of orange specks against the black uneven buildings. Above the city the sky is in its darkest shade of black of the night with little stars twinkling in it. The whole world seems to be asleep as the stars shine brighter than usual above it. The streets seem to be bare of cars and people. In the horizon the line that separates both worlds is unclear. The shade of black of the buildings and sky seem to blend in together blurring the line between the earth and galaxy as the stars and street lights produce a mirror image of the of each other.
Every step that I take the muscles in my body complain by sending a sharp pain from everywhere to everywhere; fighting against it as I force my left arm up to grab the bar to keep my balance I pull myself closer to the door. Reaching for the handle the light abruptly changes from red to green releasing pressured air after the click. The door rapidly slides to the right, initiating the door behind it to open. It’s silent as I step toward the middle of the gap. Opening my mouth releasing a loud scream nothing seems to be coming out. I do it again and this time with all my strength and its still dead quite. A cold chill run downs my spine causing me to shiver and leap forward onto the next cart.
Entering the cart, an electric flow passes through me as all the agonizing pain and bitter taste in my mouth disappears. Picking up my pace my hands begin to shake; my heart begins to pound faster and harder upon my chest trying to get out of its cage. To the acceleration of my heart beat my body responds accordingly and starts to precipitate all over. A bead of sweat starts to roll down my spine making me jolt up and come to a complete stop. Standing in the middle of the cart I observe the two exit doors on my sides. I turn my head to the left and right repeatedly then quickly rush to the right. Raising both of my hands pounding uncontrollably against the door I hear myself scream, “GET ME OUT OF HERE!” Then, I run to the other door and start pounding it as well. I start to feel my hands ach from all the hitting and realize nothing is happening and stop. I face my back towards the door pressing my back against it as I slowly slide down on to the floor. Stretching out my legs something warm runs down my cheek, wiping it with the back of my left hand I pull it away my hand is moist. I stare at it mindlessly for a long time. It’s a never ending cycle and I’ll be stuck in here forever. I must be in hell….
I start shaking and weeping uncontrollably. Embracing myself I cradle in to a fetal position and let myself go. Sobbing miserably I abruptly hear a distant beep. Pulling my hands away from my face I lift my head up and hear it again -beep-. Clearing out my vision by wiping the tears from my eyes there’s another –beep- and at the same time I see a dim light shining through my coat. Taking off one button at a time I open up my coat and lift all the layers of shirts and sweaters exposing my bare abdomen. –BEEP- The sound was much louder and a green fluorescent light escapes from deep within my skin.
Instantly there’s a voice, the same voice I heard the all night, “You killed her and her unborn –BEEP- child. Just for petty cash. –BEEP-“. The voice is coming from with in me where the light is shinning through. While it spoke my body shook from the vibration of the sound like when a loud speaker with a strong bass. Covering my stomach with my cold hands I poke around searching for something, anything to initiate where the light was coming from but I don’t find anything.
-BEEP- It calls out again. The words that I’ve just heard start processing through my mind and sink, deciphering it. Kill who? Wait, she had a child? That wasn’t my fault I never intended to put anyone in danger. Maybe they did kill her… where is this voice coming from. Why is it accusing me? I didn’t kill anyone. I just want to get out of here! I don’t want to die anymore. Maybe I’m the one to be blamed for… but I couldn’t have done anything. Of course I did… no… yes---
Interrupting my thoughts without thinking I reply, “I… I didn’t know… she was pregnant –BEEP-”, I lie. Of course I knew she was pregnant she wasn’t just fat; no one can be fat in one area like that. “They... didn’t kill her… didn’t they?” –BEEP- I wouldn’t know if they did or not its always a don’t ask don’t tell situation. –BEEP– I didn’t want to put myself in more danger. –BEEP-
Seeing my reflection on the opposite door my face is stoic. Not one hint of emotion as the bright light starts to get brighter blinding me. The beeping continues in the background diming out as I start drifting away into my thoughts. I can’t do this… My life is just ruined there’s nothing I can do anymore.
–BEEP- It shrieks after me breaking me away from my thoughts. This time the beeping isn’t of a ticking bomb but the sound resembles an electronic alarm clock. The annoying sound that you hear first thing in the morning waking you up from your dreams and your first reaction is be to press the snooze button but this time I can’t.
“I had no choice” –BEEP- Its true. “I’m broke and –BEEP- owe a –BEEP- lot of –BEEP- people” –BEEP- I should’ve done it another way. The beeping picks up speed and I feel as if the train starts to increase its acceleration as everything outside the window seems to become a blur. –BEEP- Shit! Why did I do it, there’s always another option, no, I didn’t have time. –BEEP- “It –BEEP- was –BEEP- her –BEEP- life –BEEP- or –BEEP- mine!” BOOM!
My body twitches, waking me up. Opening my eyes as I peek through the window I see that the train is at a full stop. My eyes come across a sign that says “Great Neck”, my stop. Instantly grabbing my bag rushing to get out I make a complete turn and rapidly pivot to the left walking to the open door. Placing my left foot onto the platform there’s a distant voice that calls my name causing my head to turn around. Glancing around to see where the voice came from, the door starts to close in on me. Watching the door as the rubber on the edge gradually transforms into a sharp steel blade my feet step back. As I keep stepping backward the door seems to be closing in on me much faster. My mind goes blank not knowing what else to do and watch the blade approach me closer causing me to become cross eyed. The cold blade reaches my nose sending a cold sensation all over my body as the sharp blade pushes against the cartilage of my nose surprisngly without tearing the skin open.
My eyes flew open when the computerized female voice announces the stop. My face is well implanted on the back of the seat in front of me crushing my nose. The music of my iPod gradually increases its volume as I become more conscious to the lyrics of Alicia Keys “Karma”, “What goes around comes around, what goes up must come down.” My nose starts throbbing as I console it with my hands and feel the train slowing down. Taking a good look outside I see a passing sign spelling out Great Neck. Placing my bag on my right shoulder I walk swiftly out the train. I hear a low distant surreal voice fading as I walk further away from the train saying “…you’ll never learn…” I wipe my eyes and take three long breaths and look back. There’s no one else present, I’m by myself. Still drowsy from the long nap I ease my shoulders and walk up the stairs towards street. While walking my phone starts to vibrate and I pull it out of my back jeans pocket. Looking at the screen a grin starts forming on my lips as I answer the phone.

“Hey, what’s going on?”
“Well everything is set. We’ll be giving you the rest of the money”
“Great. Usual place and time?”
“Yea.” Click.