Slapped in the face by life............

Feb 14, 2008 - 08:09 AM PST

At this very moment, i feel like the world has come to a stop. A complete halt where i feel like its just me. A few weeks ago, someone from my past came back. They were someone who at one point in my life, felt like they were the very air that i needed to breath, the love that ever needed, the embrace i never wanted to miss. They gave a meaning to life, that special spark that makes you want to live. Life was amazing, wonderfull, a perfect bliss. My happiness was like a dream, and i never wanted to wake from it. Well, fairy tales are just that, tales. 2 or 3 years later, they were gone. Just like that, as if they never existed. Every kiss, every hug, every laugh gone. It took me along time to pick myself up and straighten my life out. Through the journey of finding myself, i experienced many things, some of which i regret. Life was pain and agony, i cared of nothing but him. And then, God placed another person in my life, someone who would put a band-aid on my heart, and would let me know it was okay to love again . Although our relationship was rocky, the person i am now with truly is amazing..... Life was normal once again for me...until a few days ago. With no purpose, i checked an old email account. And to my surprise, he had written me.....AFTER YEARS HAVE PASSSED BY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dont know if i am angry or happy or mad or what i feel. How can someone just show up after so much time?! If there is anything i am certain of, i wish i could punch some sense into them for . I feel like i was abandoned, left to fend on my own. And they were fine, all this time, fine. I cried myself to sleep, endless nights of sadness and melancholy all for this?!? I dont know what to do. They are someone hard to walk away from. Someone hard to just ignore. I am weak. I am confused, its like life has thrown me a curb ball. I hate this person, but i dont. My heart cant take it, its too overwhelming for me to deal with. My eyes feel heavy, and i just want to cry, but i cant. I wish someone could tell me what to do....what to say..what to feel. Why is life like this? why, after all this time, does he appear again? If only i knew the awnser to what i feel.....