Spring Break um bad people (it's a tad explicit in the blog)

Apr 07, 2008 - 18:36 PM PST

Did any of you see the SNL with Tina Fey on weekend update?? Remember “bitches get stuff done?” Well she was right, bitches do get stuff done, oh that’s right, they also act like bitches (big surprise). Well its spring break and I’m at some weird resort in Ohio with a water park the size of King Kong. Well, you know how at these resorts you have the High School Spring Breakers (I’ll refer to them as the HSSB)? They come in big packs with usually two girls for every guy, sometimes more. The guys are most likely tan as if they had spent the last year in the Bahamas (actually the tanning booth around the corner). The girl’s have their bikinis that covers maybe a fourth of what the regular bikinis cover. Those are the bitches that I’m talking about. Drunk as hell, and all over the guys no matter where they go. And it’s not like they spread out either, it’s this mob of drunks. Obnoxious. Loud. Rambunctious. That’s them. Now, I’m only here with my bro and my dad who just went down the body slides. I feel someone pushing from behind. Jeez people it’s only a ride calm down. Following that, I see an official HSSB bitch try to squeeze herself between me and the lady on my right. Then I feel a bump. Except it’s not a bump, more of a lean into pushing me into the wall and now I’ve got some bitch on my side. GET THE FUCK OFF ME! Accident? I’m pretty sure they were, no I’m not that heartless, but seriously, they were ticking me off. So I decided to ignore it and step forward getting out of that position, like any good little boy, assuming it was an accident. Okay second lean into was more full body like she ran into me except she wasn’t running just being dumb and trying to impress her boyfriends (yes that’s plural). Now at this point I still had two people in front of me and that meant two more minutes of being bumped by miss bitchy. Instead of ignoring her this time (I should’ve ignored it, then she wouldn’t have gotten the rise out of me that she wanted) I decided to move away from her, trying to make it look casual, but giving the message that I wasn’t taking her shit. Now from the back. Of course she wasn’t going to make this easy; she stepped in slowly, leaning in thinking that I didn’t know she wasn’t there. OF COURSE I KNEW SHE WAS THERE. ARE YOU INSANE? Yeah she probably was. But I wasn’t going to flip out, jump ten feet in the air and yell bitch. I was going to pretend she wasn’t there because she wasn’t touching me and it was almost my turn. Then she touched me. Not on the shoulder, but her front from her calves up going to her neck bumped into everything from my butt up. Whoops, did I say bumped, I meant stepped into as slow as if she was a spy. A spy who was drunk, a bitch and probably has more STD’s than a prostitute. Ok now here’s the part I regret, I stepped around again and leaned against the wooden pole. Dumb, dumb and dumb. That’s what she wanted!?!? You acted like you were eight and ran away. DAMMIT. Turn in her face and say um excuse me, could I have some room. That is, assuming I’m willing to refrain from the word bitch. I felt like I was playing Pac Man and the bitch was this giant ghost who couldn’t die and tortured you to death, so basically you were running the whole time. But was she done yet? Nope, you were right Tina, bitches are determined. This time I could feel her walking up behind me attempting to bump into me the same way as last time, thank god the lifeguard saved me. It was finally my turn and I shot off faster than the bitch could look disappointed. Lesson I learned, if a bitch walks up behind you tell her off. Second lesson, the HSSB’ have a tendency to make even the most relaxing trips a pain in your ass. My feeling’s right now in three words: I’m fucked off (oops that was 4 in a way). And the only person who could make me feel better is in Chicago hanging with one of my best friends who could also make me feel so much better. God I miss Hannah so much. She’d just talk to me for hours and hours and listen to the smallest problems. Don’t think I forgot you Tay, I’m missing you too. Both of you, so very much.
-Keenan
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