surgery yesterday

Mar 11, 2008 - 09:36 AM PST

i had surgery yesterday. which i'm so glad that i actually went through with because the doctors have figured out what has been causing the pain in my side for the last lonnggg two months. and everything is okay. but of course when something happens to someone (in this case me) it seems like everybody else around becomes so vunerable and frightened. i hate my responsibility to be positive when i really don't feel like being positive at all- i hate it that i have to laugh and joke just so that the people around me don't feel so horrible. but of course even with my faked positive attitude there were still some problems. its so interesting that my fiancee lost sleep over this while i was sleeping perfectly and his grandmother cried all day yesterday from the stress of having another friend/family member going under surgery. and my mother and my brother both being stressed to the max and family and people from church and my friends all worried about me and me- Ali - who this surgery is going to be done too- I have to be positive and tell THEM it will all be okay. confusing huh? i've always noticed that whenever i walk into a room if i'm in a terrible mood it seems that everybody else falls into a bad mood also, but as long as i'm positive and/or happy everybody else seems to stay a little bit more upbeat than they would otherwise. i really do hate that responsiblity and it always becomes so much more clear that people really do rely on me to be positive even when i really should be the one relying on everybody else. does everybody have this problem? is this just part of life- or part of being a woman? but people rely on men too so does it have something to do with a certain type of person?

oh and on a side note- this pain medicine gives me some freaky dreams!