Surviving My Quarterlife 8

Jan 15, 2008 - 16:59 PM PST

Okay, so this person that I was very close to hooking up with a few months ago (who I have never seen in person, but have talked with on the phone and e-mail with) just e-mailed me a totally naked photo of themself. They look really good too! The wierd thing is that they did not write anything to go along with the picture. Just them standing there naked! Obviously there is not much that needs to be said, but a few words would have been cool. Now I just have to make up the implications of the photo. I guess the picture implies "Here is my body, I want to have sex with you." I just hate assuming these kinds of things... I want the other person to spell it out for me not just send a hot picture. I appreciate a sexy naked phot as much as the next guy, but what exactly does it mean?

Is it strange that if I were to hook up with this person, I will call them AONS (Almost a One Night Stand), that I would feel like I was cheating on ONS??? I mean I have only hung out with ONS a few times, but if I had sex with AONS, I think I would feel guilty for some reason. I wonder if ONS has recently had sex with another person or people. I don't think I would really care, except that it would dissapoint me that ONS was possible more interested in those other people than in me. Anyway, I just wonder if it is normal for me to have feelings of attachment and to not want to have sex with anyone other than ONS. Am I strange or am I normal? This is the kind of question that I don't think I could ever really ask anyone I know. I guess one person's opinion wouldn't really matter that much anyway because in order for me to determine if I am normal I would have to compare myself to a number of people. Also, I guess I don't really care if I am "normal." For the moment, I guess all I really care about is if I am happy and I think having sex with AONS would make me happy... at least a little. I guess the only real way for me to find out for sure is to just do it. As usual, I am a little scared, but I will just have to face my fears head on in order to get what I want.

I guess I will call AONS and find out if AONS wants to hook up. Whatever happens after that is up to AONS then. The advantage being that I do not have to make any realy decisions other than to just go with whatever AONS decides.

However, I think that letting other people decide what I do is a bad habbit of mine. A number of people have said that about me during my life. I guess in this case I am making a decision to have sex with AONS, but obviously it takes two to tango so I am dependent on whatever AONS decides to do.

1 - Health/Nutrition - I ran five miles this morning and ate fairly healthy. I suspect that I am taking in a few too many calories per day... but I think that it is because I am always hungry! I am never not hungry. I have tried to just keep eating vegetables and stuff non-stop, but it never totally fills me. Anyway, I am still doing fairly well and I will lift weights tonight.

2 - Money - I worked a full day today, so still making a little money. I also scheduled a private security gig for a little less than a month from now so that will be a little more money. But I do need to find a source of steady income I think. I will have to see what happens.

3 - Relationship - I have plans to call ONS at the end of the week and probably meet up at some point this week/weekend. I don't know what will happen, but that is part of the fun of it. Maybe something good will happen, maybe something bad. Also, as I wrote above... I will call AONS (Almost a One Night Stand) and see is AONS wants to hook up this week. Maybe good, maybe bad. I am willing to find out.

4 - Script Writing - I haven't written any script stuff since my last blog entry, but I will keep going until I finish. It should just be about two more weeks. I will see what I can do.

Okay, I should probably get back to work, I will write on here when I get another chance. Bye.