Testimony I: Realization

Apr 22, 2008 - 19:24 PM PST

One could say that this is my latest testimony
Which can only be told by a name that is not my own.
How can I say the things here and make fact of the marks on my name?
A name... there is so much in such an idea,
So much that men like Proctor would lay down their lives to save it.

But I am a Dimmesdale, a man who cannot truly admit his sins to the world.
I am only able to look at my actions and regret my coldness,
My unmerciful attitude masked by false words of warmth and care.
So be it, I will take the actions of what may be assumed as those of a coward.

I have been a cruel creature.
I have realized that I am a being who is weak to temptation.
Not the pleasures of flesh but of manipulation.
I am gifted, or cursed, with the art of word.

I can manifest a false feeling and make another believe it.
I have done this often not so that I can take what I desire
But merely because I can. No other reason.
Oh, I have been a libertine among woman and those weak of heart.

I cannot bring myself to describe what I have done
Lest I gloat and take pride in such actions
But instead I stand here to testify to you.

I have walked a path of evil, reeking havoc on the hearts of the young.
I have manipulated the minds of friends and one way lovers.
I have committed these acts while being in the arms of others.
And I have not been remorseful the least bit until now...

I realize that I wish to remove myself from this shadow of a life.
I realize that I must change in order to save myself from the exile of my neighbors.
I realize that I regret my actions, every one of them.
I realize that I must seek redemption and so here I leave my testimony.