THATS IT IM DONE!!

Feb 01, 2008 - 05:26 AM PST

I am thru
I am thru with him i can't stand him anymore...
I am starting to question with wat i told ya'll about in the last 3 blogs "Update On My Life" if his cryin was real if he was sincere cuz he did it again sayin he rather me not there no more...

I failed Sign Language class cuz of a journal u have to keep up with and its not completely the top of my to do list cuz i m tryin to deal with other core classes...
anyways
got a letter that i failed
no biggie im takin spanish and can still graduate...I had warned them about this a long time ago cuz i complained about it
and he is gettin all crazy and retarded and just being a biotch
I told him i was struggling
He didn't help
No one did
I swear every freakin day i feel alone in a house full of people aka my family
My brothers yell at me
My mom yells at me
My pops yells at me
All it is is yelling..
I can't think at school
Cuz i dread coming home
Cuz i have my dads voice yellin in the back of my mind
People push it off as if its just wateva
Deal with it
I try like seriously
I can't think under this specific stress
To have some one constantly yelling in my ear
to constantly call me foolish or stupid and just put me down right and left
When it comes from your flesh and blood it cuts real real deep
When he got to this mode of you dont care to me
I was funna smack him in the face and be like who is here taking care of her borthers
who is the first one to jump on making sure everyone is ok and ready
who is the one trying to figure school out so her brothers dont make the same mistakes
IT iS NOT HIM
school is so different from his time and he has told me that
yet he says everything i do is for me no its so i have knowledge to tell my brothers what hey should and shouldn't do
I am so tired
I am soooo tired
I can't handle the hate in the house
And the constant bickering
If i am the problem as my dad has so kindly let me know
I am going to completely leave...
not just move out
I MEAN LEAVE
When i was with ashley ...eveything was super
I could focus i was able to think better my mind was on what i needed to do and no stress ws in my mind. Everyonce in a while i think of what my family is doing but i had no problem with it
I was on a roll with what i was doin that week i moved out

But as soon as i come back here is the bickering and the hating

I already know my brother will never be my brother again he is too much like his dad and he follows him like a puppy with out a mind of his own

I dont think he will last so well on his own really cuz he has anger issues
He bottles things up

My lilest bro
He is liek me but has a bit of dad to him
He does his own thing tho
He knows how i m feeling but he doesn't want to be in trouble and told him i understand and i dont want him to be in trouble to let me go and he is like
the brother i can talk to
when i have no one else to talk to
he doesn't want me to leave he wants me to try to find good in what dad says but how can ifind good when he constantly says negative things. I just dont understand

Anyways Codys dad is going to come get me
Aroudn my 18th birthday, i am going to transfer out of here and go to Chaffey with Cody even if i have to step back one year to gain my good grades again. I need to get away from a negative enviroment and get into a positive one. I'll feel so much better.

I m so opposite
I m so weird
I m so not like anyone in my family
I am ready to leave