The Impossibilities of Life

Jan 03, 2008 - 15:46 PM PST

So I'm writing this blog based upon the inspiration I had viewing someone else's. He wrote about this huge romantic encounter that finally lead to meeting this dream girl of his. That's just wonderful. I'm happy for him. He deserves to be happy. My problem, he's one of my best friends in the whole world and I'm in love with him. There's no hope of it ever working out. I wish that I could just turn off the feelings that I have for him because I feel like I complicate his life more than I should. Really, we dated and it didn't work. Eventually, he realized that I wasn't her. His mother hates me. His best friend hates me more, if that's possible. I find it amazing that he still wants to spend so much time with me. In fact, the truth of the matter is that I probably don't deserve it.
I know that I'm being vague, but I suppose the point is that maybe I find myself wishing that I could have been better when I met him. I wish that things weren't as they were, and I wish that someone believed in me like I do that the things that happened were circumstantial. I know that a blog is supposed to pour out every last tear drop of a thought that one has, but I have a problem giving every piece of my heart to an anonymous audience. Something inside of me just can't let go enough to expose how truly heartbroken I am. I just want him to be happy. He deserves that.