Things I Learn from Flaming-gay Celebrities

May 02, 2008 - 13:17 PM PST

I am realizing more and more that when I try to write something cool or unique or even slightly intellectual I am mostly full of shit. That sucks. I wonder how many nonfiction authors feel the same way. If all of them feel this way, then I'm good to go! Otherwise, I'm screwed.

I think my main problem is that I have thoughts that run through my head that I think are important, or useful to others. But I'm usually pretentious and wrong. Most of the things that I begin to write about are juvenile and ill-concieved. When I've got a few paragraphs down I finally realize how stupid I am and delete all of it (Hence, the birth of this particular blog).

I also realize that I'm not the only one who does this ("this" = writes stupid f*cking blogs about how important his or her thoughts are). But really, my thoughts are mostly unimportant. They are important to me, a very few others (if any).

I suppose the reason I blog is to excersize my writing, hoping one day my writing wil mature to the point of expertise and someone will then discover how great I am and give me lots of money and a good job. How realistic is this? Well, if Perez Hilton and that big crying queerbag Chris Crocker can get famous doing it, then I can, too!

So here we have good news: You don't need to be talented to get famous! I just need to be really gay (DAMNIT!)!

Okay, so it's not very good news. I'm not about to give up my straight-man privileges for fame. I think I'll just play my cards like Lily Allen, my supercrush, and become famous because I'm an amazing musician, and then blog my little heart out afterwards for all my fans to see.

Okay, so I'm a Music Business major at Belmont University and I'm on my way to rock stardom. Cool, got that one down. Now, I just need to learn how to write like my favorite writers, who just so happen to be decently famous as well. Here I come Hunter S. Thompson, Donald Miller, and Cormac McCarthy!

So, What I learned from Perez Hilton and the wonderqueer Chris Crocker: Don't be so gay!

New objective: Treat this blog like a writing class where I learnz how to write good. Lots of work ahead of me...