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ClarissaLove | West Palm Beach, FL • United States , Age 19

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Thoughts In My Head For Today.

Mar 01, 2008 - 17:17 PM PST

I often wonder why I actually do things. No doubt everything I do is for my own selfish reasoning. But why? So I can get the pat on the back and a "Good Job!" The other day I was wondering why I had barely any money in my bank account. Then I realized I spent it all on clothes..I didn't understand how this could happen, so I started to investigate. Then I figured it out, this spending started hapening when I started to feel like crap. So I guess when I wasn't feeling to happy, I'd go shopping. Mainly because getting a new outfit made me feel good because I looked good. Then I loved the attention when I got a new outfit because it made me feel better. Why do I depend on people to make my mood? It's ridiculous but I don't know how to stop it. So are we just each others puppets?

Title: Thoughts In My Head For Today.

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Added: 03-01-2008

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jules33

May 10, 2008 - 19:30 PM

I totally understand what you're saying...but I think that realizing this about yourself is half the battle. Many people don't even reaize these things, and spending money begins to slowly "pollute their soul" in a sense. If you feel that you can't control these "urges of selfishness" for lack of a better phrase, I would suggest finding something to do that is completely selfless and helps others, makes someone's life better somehow...even if it is something as simple as smiling at a stranger walking by on the street. It seems simple and naive, but thinking this way has helped me to see the many ways that I can be selfless. In short I think that selflessness, though very hard to gain and maintain, is something that can bring about true happiness for anyone. Just my thoughts :)

MEOutLoud

Mar 01, 2008 - 19:13 PM

I do this too, although since I've moved out from my mom's (4 years now) I don't buy the clothes, I buy stuff to make the apartment look better, but I think in a way it's turned into a way of 1. cacooning and 2. wanting to invite more people in because I want them to see what I did and get the reaction. Then later I'll be mad about the money I spent because "hey I could've saved that for a house or something bigger and better than all the smaller stuff I bought." I don't know if that makes me feel like we're each other's puppets, but I think when we see the things we look for from other people we see the things we want to see in ourselves.

BLA

Mar 01, 2008 - 18:02 PM

I totally get what you're saying, but I dont think we're each other's puppets. I think we look for a social circle and a place we can belong, a place we can call home, with people who understand us, down to our core. When we cant find that, we look to find ways to give ourselves the illusion of belonging and I totally get looking for attention to build that illusion, its very gratifying and I do it too. My trick is I mix and match stuff, use layers, and walk around knowing that everyone is going to do what he or she has to, but all I can do is understand that I have to live my life in a way that helps me grow. When I do that, I find that my friends, the ones who really appreciate me, step forward, make themselves known, and I feel all the more fulfilled. I hope this makes some sense.