Trapped

Jan 31, 2008 - 05:53 AM PST

To my Latino friends, I'm just this white washed wannabe and will never be good enough to be Latina. No matter what I do I'm not good enough. My skin isn't dark enough, my Spanish is too sloppy and I don't know enough about my culture. The list goes on. It just sucks sometimes, because they make me feel so inferior. I'm sorry, I wasn't born with the how to be a REAL Mexican handbook. I just don't get it. I'm about to paraphrase Michele Serros here, but: Why is it that when someone who is non-Latino tries to learn Spanish they get praised for it? But when someone who is Latino tries to learn, they get ridiculed, because they SHOULD know it. It doesn't make sense to me. How come I can't get the same amount of praise. I don't mean throw me a party for learning Spanish. I just mean, let me make mistakes, let me learn, because i always get made fun of for making mistakes or lectured about knowing the language. I complained to a Latino friend once, who just told me to practice by myself if i wanted to learn with out being ridiculed because i should already know and its no ones fault but my own. How can I learn, if no one is around to correct the mistakes that I make? Ugh it just gets really frustrating sometimes. Even If I say I'm a person of color, my friends just look at me and say no you're not. You're white. Your skin isnt dark enough to be a someone of color. Idk what they see, but when I look at my skin. I see color. I mean, I'm not as dark as they are, but I still have color. But no not even that is good enough. It sucks being trapped, between to cultures.