Vampire Weak End

Apr 29, 2008 - 11:59 AM PST

Dream Log #00010:

April 29, 2008

Vampires are everywhere attacking my home, a four floor Japanese-style high-rise in a dark shady neighborhood. I'm like a slayer smelling them where ever I go, stabbing them left and right. I aim right for the heart, the lower area of the chest plate, mid ribcage where my boyfriend had taught me the correct area to stab the heart. The rooms are dimly lit so that they can't see me as I strike. I kill all of them but they don't seem to stay dead. They rise up as zombie vampires instead. I'm confused as I struggle to stay alive. I'm scared because nothing I do is working. The vampires won't stay dead. My arms grow tired and bloodied from the struggle of stabbing hard and precisely enough. This is one battle I could not win.

Analysis: No matter how much I try to be the hero and prevail, the thoughts and people that haunt me never go away. They all seem to come back for me, killing me on the inside. No matter how much I fight my demons, they will always take over my sanity and my way of life. I tend to try to save everyone else, but in the end I can't even save myself. I am consumed by the darkness of my demons.

Back Story: Everyone I know seems to be suffering in some way: debt, relationships, obsessions, anxiety, depression, parental units, addiction, sexuality, etc... I take on their burdens. I become the counselor and the mother. I take on their burdens on top of my own. And as Christians might say, I not only bare my own cross but the crosses of others. I like to call it BHS, Bleeding-Heart Syndrome. I'm not just affected by my own circumstances but the circumstances of those around me. I can either tune it out or try to fix it. I can't always do either of those things. That's why I'm fighting so many vampires because they're not just my problems but everyone else's problems rising from the dead. I feel I have to either give in or give up. No one really wants to be my moral support but for me to be their own. Some human beings resort to their inherent selfishness because they can't see past their own pain. We are all guilty of this trait, not being able to see past ME, MY, and I. But WE are all suffering. We must all continue to suffer until we die and create our own happiness and joys. It's our right to look past our pain and the pain of others.