week 3...

May 22, 2008 - 09:46 AM PST

its been a week since i've been able to leave the house woohoo!!! though i've been out of the house for some reason or another every day since last thursday, i've been taking it easy for the most part. there have been a few looooong days that have caught up with me but otherwise, i'm pretty proud of myself actually. i'm definitely learning to listen to my body. my body that is still healing even though i feel better. in my sleep i felt like i'd been cut in half...go figure. my incision feels weird, i'm getting sensation back in the part of my abdomen that was still numb so pressure on in hurts in an odd way and i still can't lay on my stomach. i sooo miss laying on my stomach, especially since i have mobility back and can roll over and don't realize i'm on my stomach until the pain of what feels like organs dropping into my gut. enough about that, there are moments in which i hurt, but i feel great for the most part.

being out and seeing people has been interesting. there are those who really care and are sincerely excited to see me and those whom i feel seem obligated to act as though they're excited to see me - they stare and force the corners of their mouths to rise into what ought to be a smile, and those who just can't believe i'm out as if i were supposed to be quarantined for six weeks. you learn a lot about who's in your life and why they're there and how deeply they're there when you're not well, i can certainly attest to that. its frustrating but my reality.

still learning to trust God. grad school and health... my faith walks. i was offered grad housing: a shared room in a 2 bedroom apartment - 3 girls, 1 bath. after i get over that and my thoughts of discomfort, i must recognize God's hand and way in this. there's a reason, there are several to be honest, that i ought to live near campus and be a part of the graduate community. ahhhh, yes, i will be that girl again - the only black girl. its been so long and although every time i've gone to an informational or a visit, the feeling i get reminds me, i still really haven't considered it ALL THAT MUCH. some may ask what the big deal is, but the reality of being that girl can often be much and quite difficult to explain to someone who's never lived it. ask me in october, maybe i'll have a decent explanation. anyhow, i'm gonna trust Him for it all. oh yeah, all includes the finances. i broke out into a little sweat thinking about how rent will be paid, but thanks be to God, the scholarship i was offered is real and not a typo of some sort...HALLELUJAH!!! i got a scholarship that will cover tuition that i DID NOT apply for, didn't ask for, didn't know existed. He's faithful....let me stop, i'm about to shout, no joke, tears just filled my eyes...