What Women Really Mean (A response)

Feb 27, 2008 - 11:44 AM PST

FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

[This is a word women say when they realized that a man has solid logic on his side and there is nothing she can do to sway his opinion with emotion and idealism. She wants to feal as if she is in the right, and convincer herself that if she says this with enough "gusto" (men would say this word with "sarcasm" but since women are unable to comprehend sarcasm...i had to find a suitable alternative) that her way will somehow rise above cold hard facts and become "the truth"....always resulting in failure and witholding of sex]

FIVE MINUTES

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

[This points out the selfishness and hypocrisy of women. If a man were to tell a woman he would be ready at a certain time, and fail to do so...all hell will break loose. Men are always expected to remain on time..but of course a woman will interpret that she gets to pick which 5 minutes of the 40 she meant. Any failure to point this out will result in withholding of sex]

NOTHING

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

[A man asks another man "what's wrong"? The man will respond with "well..." and explain what happened. If man A is angry with man B....a fight will ensue that lasts proportionately with how angry each man is. It is immediately followed by 2 beers....and all is right with the world. A woman will remain cryptic....expect you to read her fucking mind....and failure to do so will result in withholding of sex]

GO AHEAD

This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

[Wait...a dare? How old are we, 6? Men will choose to take instructions literally if such interpretation is deemed to be more beneficial. Don't fault us for us deciding to take you up one something when you have given us permission. We know that is we give you permission, you will get hammered on a half shot of tequilla and sleep with a guy named Brock at the bar...so we don't give you permission. Quit trying to instigate the fight, grow up, and actually help resolve sometihng for a change. There is a reason no women were present at the signing of the treaty of Versaille]

LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

[Correction: It is not "often misinterpreted by men". It is ignored by men as we remember that she can't talk when our cock is in her mouth. We are usually asking ourselves whether or not the amount of sex we get is worth the amount of annoyance we recieve. ]

THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

[Men....prefering to get our satisfaction immediately will punish said girl with the female equivalent of the N-bomb. The dreaded See you next tuesday. Watching a girls reaction to that word is almost as satisfying as coming on her face]

THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

[And take a picture. Women are most selfish and ungrateful creatures on the planet. You would have a much better shot at walking in to a Best but at 4:30p on a saturday and walking out with a Nintendo Wii (topical humor!) than getting a woman to say "thank you". Cherish this moment.]

WHATEVER

It's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!

[See yoU Next Tuesday. Enough said]