What's a girl to do?

Dec 20, 2007 - 22:46 PM PST

So what do you do when the only thing you want to do, you suck at? Here I am, 28... practically 30 and I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life. My aunt asked me the other day "what do you want to do?" I want to make a living performing. I want to sing on stage. I want to be in musical theater. The problem? My acting sucks and worst of all, my singing sucks. I was just working on recording some audio files to upload since my portfolio is a little on the empty side.... and I don't know if I can even bring myself to upload them. My best friend always tells me I sound great.... now either he's totally lying or he's completly tone deaf. One of the two. I know what you're thinking.... 'you're your own worst critic'. And it's not that. I may not have perfect pitch, but I have a damn good ear. I cringe everytime I hear someone even the slightest bit off key. Which makes it even worse. It'll sound good (or at least decent) coming out, but then when I listen to the playback it's like nails on a chalkboard. ::sigh:: I was working on this one song, As Long As You're Mine from Wicked.... I was using this video on YouTube that has someone sing the guys part. I thought I was doing decent until I decided to watch the response videos. Three of the girls who posted were good enough to take over the part of Elpheba for Stephanie J Block, the current lead on B'way (she doesn't hold a candle to Idina or even Eden, IMHO). And here I was considering posting a video response myself (if I can ever figure out how to use my webcam). I'm glad I watched those before going to all the trouble. Saved myself the humiliation. ::sigh:: Now I'm depressed. I guess the song is right....

Don't wish, Don't start, Wishing only wounds the heart.