Why Am I So Envious?

Apr 12, 2008 - 23:45 PM PST

I have always been one to envy others, because of the simple fact that I didn't have anything worth talking about when I was much younger. I thought it would pass when I got older, but today, I found out that it has resurfaced. I can't help but think about how great my life would be with a someone by my side. Why do I keep putting myself in these relationship situations when I know I will just regret it later? I enjoy seeing couples happy, I really do, but at the same time, I wish I was that couple. While I was at an event today with a bunch of my friends (who are either building a stable family of their own and getting married, or in the verge of tying the knot), I noticed...that I was basically the only one at the table with no one on their shoulder. It has been like this for many years. That is one thing that hasn't changed about me at all. While I hate to admit this, I am a hopeless romantic, with absolutely NO GAME! I am that person that admires everyone else's lovelife, while I stress myself over my own. My lovelife is almost non-existent.

It just goes to show you, I have always been envious of my friends. I always wanted what that had. I never told them that of course, because I wouldn't want them to hold back anything just on my account. I also didn't want to mess up that bond we have. It just seems like everyone is doing so well, and while I DO have a couple of big things lined up for my future, I want to be on that same playing field as them. I want to be a husband with a pregnant wife. I want to have that connection that they have with the rest of my friends. I just don't want to fall deeper and deeper into a failed existence. I just wish I wasn't so damn envious.