Why do I do this to myself?

Apr 14, 2008 - 19:33 PM PST

I'm sitting here, crying. He walked away and the door slammed shut behind him...again. I'm gonna sit here all night by myself. I know he'll be thinking about it and be upset, but at least he has his friends to distract him. I have no one. I'm all by myself in our empty apartment. It's not fair. Maybe I'm just being a brat or immature, I don't know. I hate this. I'm so mad. I'm so upset. I'm so sad. I don't have anyone to turn to, no one that won't judge me at least. No one I won't have to explain myself to. The one person I'm supposed to be able to turn to just walked out on me. There are 2 other people I could turn to but one is busy and I don't want to bother the other one. I know what he'll be thinking but would never say. I just want to scream. I just don't understand how he can just leave. Everything's still a mess. I'm so frustrated. I feel sick. I wish I could just fall asleep and avoid the aloneness. I'm not trying to get pity, just venting. This computer screen is the only friend I have right now.