Why now?

Apr 23, 2008 - 18:57 PM PST

So this is my first entry. Have you ever been just contemplative, and mistakenly come off to people as sad? It seems like every day that I spend being thoughtful, I get an earfull of demanding questions, and then complaints for not being "me". But this is me. So why does every minute of my life have to be spent being bubbly and carefree (and as a result thoughtless) when sometimes I'd rather just think, and spend some time alone. Of course I love being happy and spending time with people, but sometimes I need time to just be alone to sort things out that I can't normally do when I'm out doing stuff, but some people in my life don't understand that.

It's kind of like that saying "You can't love anyone if you don't first love yourself", or however it goes. I kind of feel that way. I don't know if it's that I don't love myself and who I am, but moreso that I just don't know exactly who I am yet and what I'm doing. And thats why I need time away, to be myself and not feel obligated to please others, so I can do that and truly find out who I am!

But with my relationships and circumstances, its a lot easier said than done...