Worrywart

Mar 01, 2008 - 11:33 AM PST

Have I ever told you that i am such a worrywart?
i constantly think about everyone's problems and finding ways on how to solve them.

I worry about my Mom and all the bills we have to pay.
I worry about my grandmother being too arrogant and proud than putting her family first above everything else.
I worry that I would never speak to my family members again,and I also worry on how do i deal with them one day.
I worry that when is my sister going to leave her loser abusive husband and come back to us.And i worry on how my reaction and will i ever forgive her for ever leaving us.No, for ever leaving me behind.
I worry about my fiend Joanne and how she is coping with her two-faced tyrant co-worker.
I worry for Abby and how she is using sex as a tool for revenge.
I worry about the future of this girl at the store i was working, she has no self respect for her own self and succumbed to sex with strangers.and she is barely eighteen.
I worry how the tenants of our apartment are going to cope now the apartment company cancelled the services of a security guard on our premises.
I worry that i am never going to make it.That i'll be forever stuck here.With no future as if i had planned before.And all my work and preparation are all in vain.My good resume, my good behaviour, everything for nothing.
I worry that my own existence will cost my mother a burden because the extra cash she has to fork out.Thats why I took a job, so that I would cease myself(if not completely) from totally depending on her for money.

yeah, the worst part is that i do this things sub-conciously, without actually wanting to.like my brain is always on that 'think,think!' mode that i cannot stop.
I worry too mcuh for an eighteen year old.
But today,that burden feels lighter.
I came back from going out with my friends, and my mom ask me what i bought.
i said plainly, 'shoes'.And i ate some bagels for lunch, then we had some sushi for snacks.
my mom just smiled.and she said 'good, i dont want you to be stingy with your pay.you have to have fun.spend on something that you like'

and i was completely taken aback.like all this while, i was thinking that i cant spend, that i have to save as much as pssible.and it turns out that my mom was worried on how i worry too much.on how i know so much, being eighteen.so much responsibility on my damn shoulders.

and when she said that, i felt happy.not guilt for spending that money on this or that.
that for a change, i wasnt doing any worrying, and for that one moment, i was just some kid out with friends and on a spree.not a teen stretching out as an adult.

and boy, it felt good.